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Book-of-the-Month... MAY 2007 |
ALTERNADAD
by
Neal Pollack
 Whether
you've just entered your twenties and are
thinking about things like what to major in in
College, or you can see 30 looming on the
horizon (or fading behind you, for that matter)
there's at least one thing that everyone has in
common: parenthood.
What? Seriously. Think about it: you are either
a parent yourself, or you'll eventually become
one, or your friends are parents or maybe you
simply have parents (and the therapy bills to
prove it). Any way you slice it, the act of
parenting has a tremendous effect on all of our
lives. Ergo, a memoir about turning from a
bar-hopping, show-going, pot-smoking person into
a child-having, mortgage-paying,
healthcare-worrying-about, pot-smoking person
can be interesting to us all regardless of our
parenting status, right? Right.
Alternadad is billed as being a memoir and "...
a critique of and celebration of [hipster]
culture, as well as a call for a new style of
parenting." At a deeper level, it's simply a
grown-up coming of age story about having your
rock and roll cake and eating it too, kid or no
kid. Sure, the focus is obviously on Neal and
his wife Regina attempting to maintain their
identities after the birth of their son Elijah.
There are poop stories and "waking up at 6:00 AM
with the kid" stories. However, the appeal of
this book for a wider audience is that at some
point all (well-adjusted) adults end up
sacrificing some portion of the pursuit of cool
for things like healthy relationships, a solid
income and yes, health insurance.
This happens even when you live in Austin,
albeit (as with all things) Austinites tend to
do it with a certain level of inked-up, left of
mainstream style. Pollock is no exception, as
his title suggests. In this book, he uses equal
measures of wit, unapologetic neurosis and
heart-warming (if slightly ironic) epiphanies to
tell the tale of how that transition into true
adulthood came about for him: namely,
fatherhood.
Kristina Barnett
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Columns, Articles and Men's Issues News... |
MEN'S NEWS TICKER © 2000 - Disable pop-up blocker
and click on headline for story details
BOOK-OF-THE-MONTH
EXCERPT...
by Neal Pollack
The Unkindest Cut...
A couple of weeks before my son,
Elijah, was born, I was doing something very important on my
computer when my wife, Regina, entered my office.
"I was curious about something," she said.
"Sure."
"I wanted to know if you had any feelings about circumcision."
"Nope."
"I was doing some research..."
With Regina, that's always a dangerous clause.
"The American Pediatric Association doesn't recommend circumcision
anymore. It used to be medically recommended, but now they're
neutral."
"I would say that I'm neutral on the topic as well."
"They don't use anesthetic, Neal. They cut off nerve endings and it
decreases sexual sensitivity. In two words: It's barbaric. I can't
do it to him. I just can't."
Full
Excerpt
GUEST
ARTICLE...
by Glenn Sacks
Authors of 'Legalizing Misandry'
to Speak on 'Coming of Age as a Villain' at Men's Equality
Congress
Background:
Boys and the Boy
Crisis, the Third National Men’s Equality
Congress, will be held July 13-14 in Washington D.C. The
speakers list is great--perhaps the best I've ever seen at a
conference. Speakers include: Matt O'Connor, leader of the
English fathers' group
Fathers 4 Justice;
Christina Hoff Sommers--author of
Who Stole Feminism?;
Warren Farrell; author of
Father & Child Reunion;
and Stephen Baskerville, president of the
American Coalition
for Fathers and Children.
I will also be speaking.
There will also be three 2+ hour
pre-conference workshops, one conducted by Matt O'Connor, one by
Warren Farrell, and one by myself. The workshops will start
Friday morning and conclude prior the conference opening that
evening. To sign up for 'early bird' prices for these workshops
and/or to register for the conference, click
here.
One of the presentations I'm looking forward
to is from Paul Nathanson and Katherine Young, co-authors of
Spreading Misandry: The
Teaching of Contempt for Men in Popular Culture
and
Legalizing Misandry: From
Public Shame to Systemic Discrimination Against Men (read
the Introduction).
Their presentation is called "Coming of Age as a Villain: What
Young Men Need to Know in a Misandric World." Here's a summary
of what they will be discussing:
Go to
Article
COYOTE...
monthly column by Dick Prosapio
Five! Four! Three! Two! One...
Raising
my second batch of kids began about fourteen years ago with wide
open eyes, theirs and mine, pin worms (theirs) cries of "MOMMIE!"
in the middle of the night (sometimes mine) as nightmares spread
from one to the other, endless cat fights and fits..it all ended
today with a drop off at the local Job Corps facility.
I never dreamed that three cute little girls could cause such a
wide range of creative chaos as these, but none of them were
short on imagination.
First there was the drug uproar with the oldest, then the
emotional three act dramas, with curtain calls, with the
youngest, complete with the "I-want-to-live-with-so and so's-family!"
which inevitably lasted for two, maybe three days max.
And then the middle one who threatened the younger one with the
butcher knife and thought that this was not an extraordinary
thing to do.
Go to Article
GUEST
ARTICLE...
by Dr. Steven Poulter
The Father Factor
It
wasn't until after my third personnel conflict with a male
supervisor within a six-month period that I noticed a troubling
pattern. It was only then [I had] the idea that my relationship with
my father might have something to do with my career problems.
Linda, age
twenty-nine... I have always wanted and sought my
father's approval. I rarely received his support and approval. I
still look for it at times with colleagues and clients. It is a
vicious cycle: I want my father's support, and I know it will never
happen the way I want it to — he isn't that kind of man.
Mike, age
thirty-seven... Some people are very skeptical about
the impact their fathers have had on their careers, especially if
they've chosen jobs that are different from their dads'. "I'm a
lawyer, and my father was an electrician, so obviously he hasn't had
any influence" is a typical response to being asked whether one's
father had any effect on one's career choice.
The father factor exerts its influence in many different ways, not
just whether you followed in dad's professional footsteps. It can
create your most significant weakness on the job as well as your
most significant strength. It can determine your level of job
satisfaction. And it applies to women as well as to men, to the
middle-aged as well as to young people. It is a timeless influence
that must be properly understood if you're going to maximize your
individual potential and ability in your career and life. The
foundation for your career direction, the father factor directs your
career selection and development, both consciously and
unconsciously; your ability to excel; and your ability to develop
meaningful professional relationships. Your father's particular
parenting style is the template that forms the father factor in your
career.
Go to Article
GUEST
ARTICLE...
by Robert A.
Glover, Ph.D.
Driven to Distraction
Distraction
is a common problem for many Nice Guys. I have practiced it
throughout my life pretty effectively.
For Nice Guys, distraction can be due to a number of factors.
One is an attempt to manage anxiety.
At its core, The Nice Guy Syndrome is all about MANAGING
ANXIETY. Ironically, since anxiety is a life-long companion
for Nice Guys, the brain gets used to feeling it. Trying to let
go of this familiar companion actually creates a NEW AND MORE
FRIGHTENING KIND OF ANXIETY for the brain.
The brain seeks to maintain the familiar, even though by doing
so, it creates all kinds of problems for its host (you). By
procrastinating and avoiding and distracting and not finishing,
you always have something hanging over you. This perpetuates a
constant free-floating anxiety and ”dis-ease.”
This anxiety feels normal and familiar to your brain. Therefore,
your brain will work to do whatever it takes to maintain this
familiar feeling state. Doing things that might reduce this
state of self-induced anxiety creates a different kind of
anxiety that feels new and different and therefore frightening.
Go to Article
THE NEW
INTIMACY... monthly column by
Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James
Sniechowski, Ph.D.
Family, Friends and Even Mentors:
Are They On Your Side... Part 2
A couple of years ago we were guests
on a television show in Albany, and the guest before us was a
psychologist who specialized in serious emotional illness. This is a
summary of her message: "40 percent of adults in the United States
suffer from some form of serious emotional illness. Most of them are
fully functioning, meaning they hold down jobs, get married and have
children. But they have serious problems handling certain issues in
their relationships."
She went on to say that the mistake
that most people make is that they assume that everyone is sane and
caring. But that's not true. And it's not because these 40% are
malicious. It's because they feel seriously deficient.
Consequently they're envious and
deeply threatened by friends, family members, and colleagues at work
who are doing better than they are.
So they unconsciously feel the need
to pull you down if you are the person who is getting ahead faster
than they are. They shoot you with little digs, barb you with
"jokes" at your expense, and fail to support your ambitions with
passing comments about how you're not good enough to get that raise
or that cute guy . . . or . . .you name it.
Go to Article
JEFF'S LIFE... monthly
column by Jeff Stimpson
Mr. Sensitive...
Ned
has been assigned the memorizing of two words a day. I steer him
words associated with everyday happenings, such as "dish" or
"filter" (dessert and vacuuming the couch) or "peanut" and
"butter" (pleasant cookies after school).
"Teach him words he'll use in school!" says
Jill. So I teach Ned "union" when explaining how Alex's bus
driver can always be late in the morning and still not get
fired. I try teaching Ned "cliché" before I realize that he
hasn't been alive long enough to recognize one.
One word Ned has learned on his own, more or
less, is "sensitive," which he uses to describe Alex. I ask Ned
where he picked that up. "In my sibshop," he says, referring to
the three-Saturday program he attends a few times year with
other school-age brothers and sisters of special-needs kids. Ned
says most of the attendees are boys, their "siblings" sisters. I
would've expected mostly girls attending sibshops because of
their brothers, but you learn something new every day.
"I use that word. It describes Alex," says
Ned, "like, 'My sensitive brother bites.'"
Go to Article
DADS, DON'T FIX YOUR KIDS...
monthly column by
Mark Brandenburg,
M.A
Interesting Statistics About Video Games...
According
to a recent study of 1,178 children in the US, almost 9 percent of
child gamers are pathologically or clinically "addicted" to playing
video games.
However, 23 percent of youth say that they have felt "addicted to
video games," with about one-third of males and a little more than
one in 10 females reporting the sensation, according to the survey
by Harris Interactive.
Forty-four percent of the youth 8 to 18 also reported their friends
are addicted to video games, the survey said. The average child 8 to
12 plays 13 hours of video games per week, while teens age 13 to 18
year play 14 hours of video games per week, according to the survey.
Go to Article
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Men's Book Reviews by J. Steven Svoboda |
LATEST
REVIEWS
REVIEW:
See Jane
Hit: Why Girls are Growing More Violent and What We Can Do About
it
By James Garbarino, Ph.D. ©2006
Seven
years after writing “Lost
Boys: Why Our Sons Turn Violent and How We Can Save Them,”
James Garbarino, Ph.D., professor of humanistic psychology at
Loyola University Chicago, has published what could roughly
speaking be described as a companion volume, “See Jane Hit: Why
Girls are Growing More Violent and What We Can Do About It.”
Garbarino writes well, and his book addresses a topic that has
drawn significant interest in recent years, having been
addressed in at least four other recent volumes. “See Jane Hit”
is interesting reading for gender activists, since Garbarino
writes from a more mainstream perspective that uncritically
accepts some anti-male falsehoods, yet at the same time is a
generally thoughtful and fair-minded commentator.
READ FULL REVIEW
PURCHASE
REVIEW:
Straight Talk for Men about Marriage:
What Men Need to Know About Marriage (And What Women Need to Know
About Men)
By Martin G. Friedman ©2006
The author has put together an appealingly presented, male-friendly
guide to improving the quality of our marriages. As Friedman is the
first to point out, this isn’t exactly rocket science. We need to
learn to do the basics. A marriage is a path to learning about
ourselves. Projecting our discontent onto our spouse doesn’t do
either of us any favors.
READ FULL REVIEW
PURCHASE
REVIEW:
Self-Made Man:
One Woman’s Journey into Manhood and Back Again
By Norah Vincent
Norah Vincent has produced a new
book whose simple underlying concept nevertheless seems to possess
all the potential power of, say, John Howard Griffin’s classic Black Like Me, in which the Caucasian author masqueraded as a
black man and was astonished at the depths of the discrimination and
barriers he discovered. Author Vincent tries to do the same thing
for gender, dressing in drag as “Ned” and entering various supposed
male bastions to report on what she discovers.
READ FULL REVIEW
PURCHASE
REVIEW:
The Smart Couple’s Guide to the
Wedding of Your Dreams:
Planning Together for Less Stress and More Joy
By
By Judith
Sherven and James Sniechowski
Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski, husband-and-wife psychologists
and authors of three books previously reviewed by me in these pages
(The New Intimacy, Opening to Love 365 Days a Year, and Be
Loved for Who You Really Are) have just published a new book on
their favorite topic, love and marriage. In a literal sense, The
Smart Couple’s Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams covers a
narrower subject than any of their three previous books. But
actually, predictably enough given the authors’ excellent writing
skills and tireless, creative devotion to promoting passion, their
latest offering manages to transcend the limits of the genre of
wedding guides. Not seeing a book that went beyond the
technicalities of wedding planning and touched the spirit of the
event, they took the plunge and wrote it!
READ FULL REVIEW
PURCHASE
REVIEW:
Partnering: A
New Kind of Relationship
By Hal Stone and Sidra Stone
© 2006
Hal and Sidra Stone are, like Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski
(whose latest book is reviewed elsewhere in this issue) a
husband-and-wife psychologist team who have written a number of
books and who travel the world giving workshops on their techniques
for improving one’s life and relationships. Partnering does
not represent a stunning advance on the authors’ previous work but
it does expand, in the specific context of relationships, on the
work they have helped pioneer in exploring the multiple selves each
of us contains through the voice dialogue technique.
READ FULL REVIEW
PURCHASE
REVIEW:
The Prodigal Father: A True Story of Tragedy, Survival, and
Reconciliation in an American Family.
By Jon DuPre.
Jon DuPre’s achievement with “The Prodigal Father” is stupefying.
What this correspondent for Fox Network News has done is so simple:
He has told the story of his family of origin, consisting of two
brothers, himself, and his mother and father. As a novel, the book
would fail. For one thing, the plot would be utterly unbelievable!
But “The Prodigal Father” is billed as an “autobiography,” and
written with loving detail and self-revelation so honest and so deep
that took my breath away. As such, it is utterly compelling and
simultaneously completely credible.
READ FULL REVIEW
PURCHASE
REVIEW:
Gendercide and Genocide
Edited by Adam Jones
© 2006
Apart from the rarest exceptions (such as the not-to-be-missed “Female
‘Circumcision’ in Africa: Culture, Controversy, and Change,” Edited
by Bettina Shell-Duncan and Ylva Hernlund), edited volumes tend to
be hit-and-miss affairs. It’s hard enough simply to find an
appropriate topic, to accumulate contributions that are varied
enough to provide interest but not so different that they work at
cross-purposes, and to publish the work. Maintaining a razor-like
focus as can easily be done with an individually authored book by
definition becomes almost impossible with an edited volume.
READ FULL REVIEW
PURCHASE
Archive of All Reviews & Interviews...
by J. Steven Svoboda.
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Guest Books |
MILITARY
HONOR ROLL... Pay tribute to the
Veterans or Active Duty military in your life on our perpetual
Military Honor Roll page
Go to
Military Honor Roll
FATHERS
HONOR ROLL... Pay tribute to your
father (grandfather, great grandfather, etc.) on our perpetual
Fathers Honor Roll page
Go to
Fathers Honor Roll
VISIT
MENSIGHT Magazine
is another free service of The Men's Resource Network, Inc. (MRN).
It has grown out of the response that we have received from articles
posted on
TheMensCenter.com (TMC), our official
web-site. The first issue went on-line on May 1, 2000. (Archive)
MENSIGHT
is dedicated to publishing diverse articles for and about men.
We believe that there are valuable lessons to be learned from
the advocates of all the various men's issues.
MENSIGHT
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