Why Men Don't Ask for Directions
by
Alison Armstrong, author of
Keys to the Kingdom © 2004
Creator of the
Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women workshops
A complaint so common it is a
frequent subject of jokes and TV comedies is the unwillingness of
lost men to ask for directions. Almost every woman has a story about
a man who drove around for hours looking for someplace and refused
her entreaties to stop and ask. To women, this seems like the
ultimate display of male arrogance and stubbornness. But what if it
isn’t?
It is important to understand that a
man is NEVER “lost.” To him, that implies a helplessness that he
will never willingly experience. He simply hasn’t gotten there yet,
and he has complete faith in his ability to do so.
Also, a man’s unwillingness to stop
and ask for directions is consistent with his survival instincts and
actually not stubborn at all. First, the act of stopping the car and
rolling down the window makes him (and you) more vulnerable than he
is willing to be just to get someplace faster. Second, from a man’s
point -of view, the moment he asks a gas station attendant or
someone on the street for directions, he has put his life and yours
in the hands of a stranger! Men, wisely, only put their lives in the
hands of people who have proven themselves trustworthy. The way he
sees it, you are both better off searching for your destination
yourselves than being at the mercy of someone he doesn’t know and
trust.
Why has he never told you this?
According to our research this is because, to him, it is obvious.
Every man already knows this and something that everyone already
knows requires no explanation. It is a mystery to him why you seem
to have forgotten this basic rule of survival.
On the other hand, maps are the
be-all and end-all of travel. With a map, a man can make a solid
decision based on reliable information. And the systems available on
many new model cars, with built-in maps and global positioning
satellites, are the ultimate tool for navigating
a dangerous world.
If your car doesn’t have one of these
fancy new gizmos, your best bet is to stock up on maps at the Auto
Club, or buy a Thomas Guide. Keep your supply of maps in your car
(or travel bag) and learn how to read them. It is important to
suggest a route coming from being a member
of the travel team, instead of righteously proving he is
incompetent.
A woman who understands—and even
likes—reading maps becomes a highly valued travel partner. To quote
men, a woman who happily reads maps “becomes useful in the hunt,”
and is “awesome” and “nearly perfect.” Instead of feeling frustrated
and ignored while he is trying
to find someplace, if you’re consulting a map, you’ll find a man
more than willing to follow your directions.
A side note: there is another
unfamiliar landscape in which a man won’t ask for directions but
will sure appreciate them—your body. A panel of men at Celebrating
Men & Sex was asked, “What do you think about a
woman giving you directions in bed?” One man stated the case for
all. He replied, “Directions, maps, diagrams — all useful
information is appreciated!”
Alison Armstrong, author of
Keys to the Kingdom © 2004
