Women's Violence Exposed
by
James Bracewell ©2008
In 2003, Madelyne Gorman Toogood
pled guilty to a
felony battery charge.
Toogood is the mother who was caught on security videotape beating her 4 year old daughter
Martha.
The judge sentenced her, under misdemeanor guidelines, giving her a one-year suspended
sentence, with a year of probation and a $500 fine. As part of the
plea agreement, prosecutors dropped a more serious charge of battery
of a child and a misdemeanor charge of giving police officers a false
address.
Afterward, Toogood's response was,
"I've pretty much been crucified by everything
that's happened. I don't know if my life will ever be the same. I've
been persecuted by the press." She seemed to be more concerned
about how badly she has been portrayed by the press than the trauma
she has caused her child. It's as if she thinks she herself is
the victim instead of Martha. There is little
recognition of her sole responsibility for, and the gravity of, what
she did.
Pause for a moment and imagine someone four times your size physically attacking you for no
apparent reason. Imagine further that this betrayal is by someone you
love and are totally dependant on. Would you be afraid, confused,
terrified… traumatized?
Not
according to Steven "Rocket" Rosen the attorney for
Madelyne Toogood. “There has been no trauma caused to the child,” Rosen
reportedly said shortly after TooGood was tracked down by authorities.
No trauma? Has he seen
the video tape?
The
average weight of a four year old girl is 35 pounds. That means if
Madelyne Toogood was the average weight for an adult woman (140 pounds), she would be
four times larger than her child. When you consider
the view point of the child, it’s like being attacked by a giant. Or,
like a 140 pound adult being
attacked by a 560 pound giant. How would you feel?
We are rightfully
outraged by adult-on-adult domestic violence reports. However, the
average adult domestic violence perpetrator is not four times larger than
their adult victim. It logically follows then, that the adult-on-child form of domestic
violence that Madelyne Gorman Toogood committed must be
even more traumatizing to the victim than adult-on-adult domestic
violence. Particularly since her victim did not have the
physical or mental capacity to fight
back and had no options for escaping. In fact, DV experts believe that children are traumatized just
by
witnessing their parents domestic abuse.
Would we feel sympathy for an adult
male caught on video tape beating a woman after looking around to
make sure no one was watching? Do you honestly believe any man
in a similar scenario would only get
a one-year suspended sentence, with a
year of probation and a $500 fine for this crime?
Should we feel sympathy for
Madelyne Gorman Toogood
because, after being caught in the act, she was reportedly “very remorseful, very upset, very apologetic
and ashamed of those actions”? Should we believe that she has never
done this to any of her three children before?
Madelyne
Gorman Toogood’s lawyer, in saying that there was no trauma, was obviously trying to lay the groundwork for
mitigating the consequences of his clients shocking, violent action.
In light of the judges recent decision, this seems to have worked.
Famed child
abuse expert
Alice Miller (Banished
Knowledge: Facing Childhood Injuries)
believes that all abusers were abused as children. She also believes
that this should not excuse abusers for their actions. Abusers,
whether they are men or women, when they are identified,
should be punished and/or treated or they will
pass the violence on, generation after generation.
So there may be
an explanation for Toogoods behavior rooted in her own childhood.
According to
Alice Miller, she may have been abused as a child too.
However, there is no
excuse for what she did.
The
security video exposed a potential in women that we don’t like to talk about or
even think about. That many women, including our mothers, sisters,
daughters, wives, and lovers, can be violent and abusive. Department of Justice statistics reveal that the majority
of physical abuse to children is committed by women. We may want to
explain that fact away by pointing out that women provide most of the
child care. However, women’s shelter advocates often point out, in
reference to domestic abuse by men, that there is no excuse for
violence against women. In the same vein then, there should be no excuse for
violence by women against children... or men.
In
her book,
When She Was Bad: Violent Women and the Myth of innocence,
author
Patricia Pearson reports,
"Women commit the majority of child homicides in the United States;
more than 80 percent of neonaticides (infant murders); an equal or
greater share of severe physical child abuse; an equal rate of spousal
assault; about a quarter of child sexual molestations; and a large
proportion of elder abuse... The rate at which infants are murdered by
women in the U.S. is higher than the rate at which women are murdered
by men."
There is
more
and more evidence , especially in studies that question men
and women, that women are as or nearly as violent as
men. Only their methods and the results differ. We hear from women's groups that women can
do anything that men can do. It would appear that, via security video,
we now have
incontrovertible evidence that
at least one woman can do violence as well as a man.
I believe that
the reason we are so
shocked at the Toogood video tape is because we see with our own eyes what
otherwise has been hidden by our societies focus on men's violence and
our denial of womens violence. We are graphically, undeniably exposed
to one woman's rage. It cannot be explained away. If we are to believe
the Justice Department statistics she is not the only violent woman.
We need to raise
our awareness that the potential for violence exists in women as well
men... it is a human potential. This is important because in our
current cultural climate, men are blamed in some way for almost all
violence even when a man claims to be a victim... "he must have done
something to deserve it." This was, in fact, implied in the
blame-the-victim (David Harris) defense presented for
Clara Harris,
the "Mercedes murderer." If only male perpetrators are held
fully accountable to the law for their actions, nothing will change in our society.
In an article on domestic violence, relationship experts
Jim Sniechowski, Ph.D., and Judith Sherven, Ph.D. explain,
"Domestic violence is a two way street. As long as women refuse to
take responsibility for their participation, they will remain
disempowered and completely dependent upon men to change. Is that what
women really want?
Domestic violence should not be tolerated. It
must be faced and prevented. We must look clearly and fearlessly at
the dance women and men create that allows for and sustains that
violence. Anti-male prejudice and the hidden knowledge of women's
violence only
perpetuate the problem.
Sadly, we are a long way from teaching and
learning the lesson of co-responsibility, co-accountability, and the
mutuality of all long-term relationships, whatever their dynamics. And
that is what is needed to prevent domestic violence."
For some forty years women's activist groups
have focused almost exclusively on the abuses and violence of men. Shouldn't that
same light be shined on the violence and abuses of women?
Women in our society will not be truly
free until they
own up to their genders potential dark, shadow side. We either have to hold women to the
same social, ethical, moral and judicial standard as men or allow men the same latitude that we
now allow
women. Equal rights means equal responsibilities. There may be
understandable reasons as to why violence exists, but there is no
excuse for violence by either sex.
Jim Bracewell, president, The Men's Resource
Network, Inc., a 501 (c)(3), non-profit org.
Visit The Men's Center.com:
http://themenscenter.com and
MENSIGHT MAGAZINE
http://themenscenter.com/mensight
Copyright 2008 Jim Bracewell, all rights reserved
