Why Dads Matter:
The Revolution Has Started. Heads Up.
by
Warren Farrell, Ph. D. © 2002
On Mother's Day the most phone calls are made. On
Father's Day the most collect phone calls are made.
We still think of dads as wallets... or as deadbeats if
they fail to be wallets-- but reality is changing faster than the
image. In the last twenty years the percentage of single dads has more
than doubled, from 10% to 23% of all single-parent households. Almost
one in four. Moms moving out of the home has been a headline-creating
revolution; dads moving into the home has been the quietest
revolution. Without the headlines, we miss the revolution. A case in
point…
I am in Toronto during a Canadian tour for my book,
Father and Child Reunion. A TV reporter and the cameraman are debating
whether to interview me inside or out. I suggest going to a park,
finding some dads, and having me comment on the differences in
parenting styles. "Great idea", the reporter begins supportively, "but
in the middle of a work morning, I doubt we'll find any dads".
I convince her to try. We are both surprised. There are
about 25 caretakers at the playground…about equal numbers of fathers,
nannies, and mothers. Turns out the reporter had passed the
playground… but missed the revolution.
Just as the last third of the twentieth century was
about women becoming more equal partners in the workplace, so the
first third of the twenty-first century will be about men becoming
more equal partners in the family. The evidence is in the next
generation. A 2000 Harris Poll found that "young men in their twenties
are seven percent more likely than young women to give up pay for more
time with their families." A full 70% of men vs. 63% of women. Give up
pay? Men? A generational shift without precedent.
Dads are, if you will, in the infancy of their
revolution to re-enter the family, this time not only as money
raisers, but also as child raisers. Not to out-do mom, but to do with
mom. In fact, it is improbable that mothers will make much more
progress in the workplace without dads sharing more responsibilities
in the home place.
What are the contributions dads make to our children's
lives? Start with girls' legendary difficulty with math and boys'
difficulty with verbal skills. In the area of math and quantitative
abilities, the more involved the dad is, the better both daughters and
sons do. Ditto for boys' increase in verbal intelligence. And the
amount of time a father spends reading to his daughter is a strong
predictor of his daughter's future verbal ability. So both sexes
improve in both sets of skills when fathers are more involved.
And when the children grow up? Women who grow up successful in their
professions tend to have two things in common: fathers who respect and
encourage them; and male mentors.
Suppose a mom has to choose between income and dad? I
just finished doing expert witness testimony with a couple in which
the mom was arguing that her moving the children out-of-state was fine
because the children would be going to a better school and have more
financial security with her new husband. We know, now, though, that
father involvement is more important than either the quality of the
school or the amount of money a family has. That is, children from
good schools whose dads are not involved in their everyday lives do
worse than children in poorer schools whose dads are involved-they do
worse academically, socially and psychologically. Similarly, children
from wealthier homes without dad do not do as well as children from
poorer homes with dads. The specific act of moving a child away from
the non-custodial parent accounts for 60% of the damage experienced by
a child living without the other parent.
The implications of father involvement for social
policy are staggering. We think of poverty as a major cause of violent
crime. Yet when children in homes with more income are compared to the
children in homes with less income, there is no difference in the
rates of violent crime if both are living with fathers. Poverty is
highly correlated with violent crime because poverty is highly
correlated with fatherless ness. The more dad is present, the more
violent crime is absent. In brief, fathers stop violent crime; money
doesn't.
In a study of teenage mothers in inner city Baltimore,
one-third of their daughters also became teenage mothers. But, not one
daughter or son who had a good relationship with her or his biological
father had a baby before the age of nineteen. Connection with dad
leads not only to preventing daughters from becoming pregnant
prematurely, but also to preventing sons from creating pregnancies
prematurely.
Ninety percent of homeless or runaway children are from fatherless
homes. Father presence is the most important factor by far in
preventing drug abuse (not drug use, but drug abuse). Overall, a close
relationship with dad is the most important preventive medicine to
avoid the cancer of a troubled childhood.
At what age does dad's influence begin? An Israeli
study found that the more frequently a father visited the hospital of
an infant who is prematurely born, the more rapidly the infant gained
weight and the more quickly the infant was able to leave the hospital.
U.S. studies show that by the age of six months, the more children
have contact with dad, the higher their levels of mental competence
and psycho-motor functioning, and the greater their level of trust and
friendliness.
There are, however, many types of dads. Until recently we have known
little about step dads and single dads.
Step dads make us think. If parenting emerges from a
maternal instinct, why is it that a full 85% of stepparents are
step dads? If men are selfish and territorial, why do they give love,
time and often money to children who are not "theirs". Step
dads
usually deal with children who want their biological dad back, who
often try to drive a wedge between them and mom. Yet millions of
step dads tip-toe through the minefields of rejection, advisers to mom
with neither pay or authority.
In thirteen years of researching Father and Child
Reunion, my biggest surprise was the effectiveness of single dads.
Around the world, children brought up by single dads do better on
twenty-six different areas of measurement (academic, psychological,
social and physical health) than children brought up by single moms.
Caveat. This does not mean that men are better fathers than women are
mothers-single dads in the year 2000 are similar to female doctors in
the 1950s: exceptionally motivated; and single dads have higher
incomes, more education, and are older than their single mom
counterparts. One reason, though, that children do so much better with
single dads is ironic-they are more likely to have contact with their
moms and feel better about their moms than vice-versa. Their dads are
more likely to make sure that they have, in effect, two parents.
If dads are more effective than we may have thought, a
new question arises. Exactly what makes them so effective? Conversely,
if they are so effective, why are both the intact family and joint
physical custody even more effective than a family with dad alone? As
they say, "all that and more…" in Part II.
Dr. Warren Farrell
is the author of many books, including two award-winning
international best-sellers, Why Men Are The Way They Are plus
The Myth of Male Power. His most recent books are Women
Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say, which was a selection of the
Book-of-the-Month Club, and Father and Child Reunion about
how fathers can be successful at both work and home. His latest
book, just published this year, Why Men Earn More: The Startling
Truth Behind the Pay Gap and What Women Can Do About It, helps
both employers and employees understand what makes a company want to
increase an employee’s pay. His books are published in over 50
countries, and in 10 languages.
Dr. Warren Farrell is available for expert
testimony to help fathers stay equally involved in their children's
lives after divorce.
CLICK HERE to contact Dr. Warren Farrell for information.
www.WarrenFarrell.net (Why Men Earn More)
www.WarrenFarrell.biz (Father and Child Reunion)
www.WarrenFarrell.org (The Myth of Male Power)
www.WarrenFarrell.info (Women Can’t Hear What Men Don’t Say)
www.WarrenFarrell.us (Why Men Are The Way They Are)
www.WarrenFarrell.ws (The Liberated Man)
Copyright 2002 Warren Farrell, Ph.D., all rights
reserved
