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Dr. Marty Nemko is
among the nation's most sought-after experts on both career and
education issues. Marty has been interviewed in hundreds of major
media--from the New York Times to the Los Angeles Times
to ABC.com.
He has been career coach to over
2,000 clients, and has a 97% client satisfaction rate.
His book, Cool Careers for
Dummies is the #1 rated career guide in the Readers Choice
poll and made the Wall Street Journal national business
bestseller list.
His columns appear in
Kiplinger's Personal Finance Magazine and for
bankrate.com. They ran for
three years on the front page of the classified section of the
Sunday Los Angeles Times.
Many of his writings have been
published online on monster.com, careerbuilder.com, aol.com, and
msn.com.
He was the one man in a one-man
nationwide PBS-TV Pledge Drive Special, 8 Keys to a Better
Worklife.
He is a frequent guest on CNN,
ABC, and PBS. He is the regular career and education expert on CNN
Local Edition.
He is in his 17th year as the
regular career and education expert on the Ronn Owens Show,
the #1 rated talk show in Northern California. He has been the
primary source for dozens of articles, including in the New York
Times and Washington Post.
He is in his 16th year as host of
Work with Marty Nemko, a popular talk show on an NPR
affiliate in San Francisco.
He holds a Ph.D. from UC Berkeley
and subsequently taught there.
Visit Marty at
www.martynemko.com
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Editorial... |
How I'm Overcoming Fear of Death
by
Marty Nemko © 2007
When
I was 12, I recall thinking, “The average life expectancy is 70.
That means I only have 58 years left.” That terrified me.
It continued to plague me through the decades despite three
therapists (including a specialist in fear of death), books on fear
of death, and—even though I’m an atheist—various religions’
approaches to coping with death.
In the last two months, however, I have reduced my fear more than in
the previous 45 years. What has helped is a one-two punch: reassure
and distract:
1. Reassure: The second the fear of death enters my mind, I replace
that thought with, “After I’m dead, I won’t be aware of anything.” I
say “the second” because every second I continue to worry about
dying spirals me further downward into a harder-to-escape-from pit
of fear and sadness.
2. Distract: The very next moment, I force myself to focus on
whatever task I was doing before the fear of death intruded.
I’ve also long feared the pain that often precedes death. I have
found that reassure and distract helps with that as well:
1. Reassure: If the pain gets so bad that it outweighs the pleasure
of living, I will get a doctor to do a Kevorkian on me. (I’m
optimistic that California—where I live—will adopt right-to-die
legislation like that in Oregon.)
2. Distract: As when fear of death intrudes, I force myself to focus
on whatever task I was doing before the fear of pre-death pain
started to intrude.
My fears are coming less frequently, in part because I feel I’ve
accomplished most of what I want to in life and because I’m
beginning to feel my age: a little less energy, a little less sharp
mind. I’m starting to understand why many older people don’t mind
dying—they’re tired, accomplished enough, and suffer aches, pains
and limitations. Every old person I know says that aging isn’t for
the faint of heart.
These days, when the fear of death strikes me, it’s usually in
response to an inexplicable pain that might bode a life-threatening
illness for example, a chest pain that lasts longer than a second.
When I experience such a bodily sensation, I use a variant of
reassure and distract: I say one or more of the following to myself,
“Doctors say there are 30 causes of chest pain, almost of all of
which are insignificant. And unless a chest pain lasts longer than a
few minutes it’s almost certainly nothing. I still can exercise
vigorously—I run—well, slow-jog--three miles a day. And my doctor
says I do not have a heart condition. Besides, if I die, I won’t be
aware of anything anyway.” I then force myself to focus on whatever
task I was doing.
I’ve recommended that my clients try reassure and distract in
response to a wide range of fears—from claustrophobia to fear of
failure. It’s no magic pill but is a sometimes- effective
prescription with no side effects. I commend it to you.
The San Francisco Bay Guardian named Marty Nemko “The Bay
Area’s Best Career Coach.” His columns and an archive of his
National Public Radio San Francisco show plus excerpts from his
book, Cool Careers for Dummies,
which, in the Reader’s Choice Poll was rated the #1 most useful
career guide, are free on www.martynemko.com.
Copyright 2005 Marty Nemko, all rights reserved
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