Thomas Berrigan never dreamed he'd reach retirement
age and end up being a prisoner in his own home. Most of his
possessions have been either stolen or vandalized, his trailer home
has been burglarized repeatedly, and he is afraid to leave in the
morning and to return home at night. He is desperate to move away but
can't afford it.
Is he a victim of gangs? Local thugs? Vicious,
drug-crazed criminals?
No--he is the prisoner of a vindictive, mentally
unstable ex-wife, her adult children, and a legal system that
prejudges him guilty and her innocent..
"If I call the police, she'll say I attacked her," he says. "If I try
to defend my home and come near her, she'll scream, call the police
and I'll go to jail as a wife-beater. Her children will corroborate
anything she says. I have nowhere else to go. I'm stuck."
According to the National Center on Elder Abuse, elder abuse has risen
sharply over the past decade and a half, and less than one in 10 cases
of elder abuse are actually reported to authorities. Neglect is the
most common form of abuse, comprising roughly half of all cases,
followed by physical abuse (15 to 20%), emotional abuse (15%), and
property destruction, theft, or financial exploitation (10%). The most
likely abusers are adult children and spouses. Adjusting for the
greater number of elderly women, men and women both abuse and are
abused in equal proportion.
There are many different elder abuse scenarios but, according to
researchers Karl Pillemer and David Finkelhor, one of the more common
ones is an elderly man being abused by his healthier (and perhaps
younger) wife, or by a second wife, who often abuses with the
assistance or complicity of her adult children.
Berrigan's ex-wife, whom he married a decade ago and recently
divorced, knows that he is trapped and is thus able to operate with
impunity. She broke-in to his trailer home while he was away and
destroyed the papers he needs to get his veterans' benefits. She stole
most of his clothes and other possessions. She stole his phone bills
and the keys to his daughter's house, and leaves threatening messages
which hint darkly about his grandchildren. With the help of his
daughter, Berrigan was able to get a restraining order against his
ex-wife, but it is of limited value because he is still very hesitant
to call the police.
Activists say that Berrigan's problem is anything but rare. According
to attorney Marc Angelucci, California chairman of Stop Abuse for
Everyone (SAFE), often men like Berrigan are "among the most
defenseless people in our country. Even though countless studies show
that there are plenty of women who commit spousal harassment and
abuse, our courts and criminal justice system are reluctant to
recognize it. Police are under tremendous pressure to protect women
and arrest male ‘batterers', whatever their age. The law in practice
often doesn't protect these men and stands ready to jail them on the
word of the women who victimize them."
When an elderly man's health has deteriorated to the point where the
police could be convinced that he is actually the victim, men still
often decide not to report their abuse. According to author and men's
advocate Warren Farrell:
"Many elderly men who are abused by their wives report their wives'
anger at their failure to be useful--as a breadwinner or as a
home-repairer. The man has gone from protector to needing protection,
and that is a set up for her anger. The man's shame and dependency
often prevent him from reporting his wife's abuse."
Berrigan is one of the lucky ones, because his abuse is not physical,
at least not yet. Ken Hedrick, a retired firefighter, is less
fortunate. He has been repeatedly assaulted by his wife of five years,
who attacks him by surprise, often using kitchenware and household
objects as weapons. Even though he worked his whole life until he
reached retirement age, part of what fuels her rage is his diminished
retirement income and the fact that she, 10 years his junior, has to
work.
When they're both home he spends most of his time in a separate living
quarters in the garage and tries to avoid angering her. Sounding
exactly like a battered wife, he speaks in a soft voice while I
interview him on the phone, listening for signs that his wife may be
coming home. Today, she is enraged at him over her car accident, an
accident which occurred while he was not even there. He says he's
afraid to leave her because it may enrage her further, and there
aren't any shelters that accept men near him. He has documented
evidence of her abuse over the past five years but doubts that
authorities would believe him. And call the police? He says:
"Absolutely not. I've no doubt that she could go in front of any cop,
judge, or jury and accuse me of being the abuser and cry and lie and
have them ready to hang me."