The Spirit of Fatherhood:
Embracing Our Role as Fathers and Reclaiming Our Children

by S. Bruce "Olamina" Stevenson

Introduction

Fatherhood is profoundly the most important responsibility a man will ever have as he journeys through life. There is a yearning in every child to know, be connected to, be protected, loved, and accepted by, as well as be identified with his/her father. There are many fathers who take this responsibility and run with it. These men go about their daily lives rearing, raising, providing, nurturing and sacrificing for their children and families. I see these men as heroes. They are role models for their children. They are examples for other men to look to, yet seldom are they recognized. These men should be celebrated, not for who they are, but for what they do. Because of these fathers, children win and become the benefactors of something as precious as their father’s love.

Unfortunately, however, not all children are feeling the benefits of a father’s love, because for some children the love is as absent as the father is. And whether we like it or not, the matter of absentee fathers is taking its toll on our children. As one of the single largest issues circulating around the country today, we have lots of work to do. For it is beyond concerning to hear that children living in fatherless homes are 75% more likely to live in poverty, have a dramatically increased risk for drug and alcohol abuse, and are more likely to suffer from emotional and mental illnesses, including suicide. It’s disenchanting to know that over 80% of male juveniles live in fatherless homes, and over 80% of teenage girls that become pregnant are products of fatherless homes.

Despite how dismal the statistics—and they are dismal, I believe that the vast majority of men would like to be actively involved in the lives of their children. I also believe that there exists many complex dynamics associated with why fathers are not involved in their children’s lives. Although I am not suggesting that these dynamics, complex though they may be, should in any way translate into acceptable excuses, I do believe it’s important to acknowledge that they exist. The bottom line is and will always be that men must stand up and be held accountable for fathering the children we help bring into the world. Because in the interim,    our children are hurt, angry, and feel abandoned.

While it may be true that many fathers themselves carry wounds and scars from their own childhood. While it may be true that these wounds directly impact these fathers’ inability to parent their children, and as a result many absentee fathers are walking around wallowing in guilt because they do not know how to maneuver around the obstacles that are seemingly in their way—preventing the giving of love to their children as well as the receiving of love from their children—as men/fathers we must and can do better.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN FATHERS ARE ABSENT FROM THEIR CHILDRENS LIVES?

Mr. Stevenson is the Author of, The Spirit of Father: Embracing our Roles as Fathers and Re-claiming our Children. Olamina is a highly passionate about the important role involved fathers play in their children’s lives. He was traveled across the country carrying the message that fathers make a difference. Olamina is a nationally recognized speaker and advocate for working with youth, families and fatherhood initiatives. He has consulted and implemented staff-development models for Head Start agencies and facilitated workshops on developing effective co-parenting strategies and policies to eradicate fatherlessness, both locally and nationally.

Olamina was a Co-Founder of the Baltimore Rites of Passage Kollective for over a decade and served as the National Co-Scribe for the Afrikan National Rites of Passage United Kollective. Olamina is a co-founding member of the African American Male Leadership Institute. He served as a mentor and Big Brother for the Big Brothers and Big Sisters of Central Maryland for fourteen years. He has received many awards from state and local government agencies for his committed to his community and received honorary awards from the “Rays of Hope Foundation”, Black Professional Men and the Washington, DC Healthy Start Initiative.

Copyright 2004 Warren Farrell, Ph.D., all rights reserved