COYOTE ARCHIVE

Dick Prosapio aka, Coyote is a member of the TMC Advisory Council, ceremonialist, psycho-
therapist (ret.), author, leader of men's experiential workshops, & Co-founder of The Foundation for Common Sense. He lives with his wife and daughter in Stanley, NM

For more info about Dick Prosapio, visit his web-site:
Spirit/ Earth Path
 

What Are We Afraid Of
by
Dick Prosapio  © 2002

A few weeks ago the "car guys" on NPR started a little "bit" with each other over the state of women's cars. The interior of women's cars that is. I think it was Ray who said that the interior of women's cars are always a mess. Tom immediately distanced himself with, "Oh! That was my BROTHER who said that. Not me!" and they carried on with the back and forth stuff about that for awhile. Not that both of them didn't have the same opinion, but that one of them, Ray, wasn't going to get in trouble about it.

What was notable to me was that there was a general air of having to avoid saying anything which might offend women and thus generate a raft of negative mail and phone calls. Funny, because these guys tromp on men all the time, especially when they're talking to women about their husbands or boyfriends over some car issue. Why? Because men don't respond as a group to that, "You know how men are.!" stuff the way women will jump on a, "You know how women are!". For one, men are used to hearing it and blow it off. For another, some of us have bought the negative criticism and think it just goes with the territory. It's the "I'm-a-guy-therefore-I'm-a-jerk." syndrome. I know some male therapists who actually believe this.

Women get official sanction to do this kind of criticizing of men in the national media in the phenomena called "women's talk shows" and though the topics will include fashion, make-overs, politics, and money, they will almost always inevitably go to the topic of men. Seldom, if ever, will this turn out to be a positive topic..unless the guest on the show is a newly wed.

Men's "talk shows" mainly fall into categories of; 1. Politics. 2. Money. 3. Carpentry. 4. Cars. 5. Sports. Women never become topics in these shows. And never will you hear on one of them anything approaching, "the problem with women is." Etc. It just wouldn't be done would it? And who would watch it? Men complaining about women would be seen by women as "patriarchal" or misogynistic. Men would see the participants as a collection of whiners.

The car guys, Tom and Ray, are afraid to talk about how women treat their cars even though they know this to be true in their experience i.e., that generally women treat their cars like purses. Certainly it can be said that, generally, men treat their cars like pet animals. They feed them, care for them and, in many cases, identify with them. We're like that. We treat mechanical objects as though they are alive.and nobody is afraid to say anything about that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, and sometimes we treat live people like they're not.OK, we're NOT perfect. But is anybody going to be able to say that women aren't perfect either? Or do we have to fear the wrath of the aroused feminine every time we make an observation based upon experience?

To check if any statement about males reflects a bias in yourself substitute a racial group for the word, "men" imbedded in any generalization and see if that sounds prejudicial toward that group? If it does, then it is prejudicial by definition.

If you're a man, call people on this.  Yes, even if those people are women. If you're a woman, stop the group male bashing that passes for girl talk and lighten up on the men around you. We ALL deserve to be treated with some respect.  Yes, even the men. And we all need to be called on our "stuff."  Yes, even the women.