Forget the Numbers
by
Dick Prosapio © 2004
This will sound like a rationalization to you I'm
sure, but here it is. When you think about how old you are forget
the numbers and discover the "season" you feel you are in.
Here's the problem with the "numbers". We have,
built into our psyches, an idea or concept of what these
numbers represent. My father described his father as; "....an old,
old man when he died." Yet he died in his 70's and my father was
almost ten years older than that when he made that statement. In his
80's he didn't want to attend any of the "Golden Age Center"
activities because there were; "........a bunch of old people
there."
And I knew he was right.
A friend of ours was slightly shocked when she
discovered I was closing in on 70. "But you can't be!" she
exclaimed, and of course, she was right. I'm not; unless the
calendar is the sole guide for measuring a state of being. We all
know people we describe as, "Old for their age." or; ".a very young
fifty, sixty." or what-have-you. Genetics, hard times, illness,
attitude, eating and drinking habits, addictions, all of these
things are factors in how old we look, act, and feel. This is very
much like the bad relationship analogy. Time can really drag when
your in a bad one, but when your happy time slips away without
notice.
This doesn't mean you should get into a bad
relationship to make your experience of living last longer by the
way. Your life will last just as long either way, but it will
seem much longer when you rest against a hot stove vs. lying in
the grass on a hilltop. Your choice.
I've discovered that when I stop thinking; "I'm
near 70. I'm old!" I also stop obsessing about death and the
possibility of rapid deterioration. When I think about what
season I'm in, I am revitalized. I am much more alive to the
here-and-now reality of my life.
I know that I am in late-September... the "autumn"
of my time. I know this in my physical, mental and emotional being.
There's a great deal of doubt in me about my chronological age,
because I don't feel any bit of what I think of as "70", but I have
no doubt at all about my "season". I feel every bit of autumn.
Strong, vital, quick, wise, and even, yes I'll go ahead and say it,
beautiful.
And there's another thing about this
being-in-autumn. I have a deeper sense of my "self" than I've ever
had before. This was especially clear to me as I was watching the
movie, "Casablanca" a few nights ago for maybe the tenth or
fifteenth time. I realized that I had never really gotten the
movie. I had never really understood, at the emotional level,
the story of Casablanca. This last time, I got it! I didn't just
watch it, I felt it. I felt the heartache in it. I felt
the story.
So, part of being in the autumn of life is the
ability and opportunity to deepen my understanding of all life
around me. What a gift.
Do I feel old? Not in any way I can
discern.......and I am telling you the whole truth about this. The
person inside this aging shell is probably in his 30's and always
surprised when anyone thinks he is older than that. Especially some
young, attractive thing at the checkout stand of course.
But the biggest surprise to me is that I
don't feel a bit older than autumn. And this is, without a
doubt, the best part of my life to date. You can have the unsteady
coltish time of Spring and the hot and heavy time of Summer. For
real delight, I'll take autumn and who knows, I may even get
to like Winter when it shows up.
Dick Prosapio ©2004, All Rights
Reserved
