Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski are Best-selling co-authors of  Be Loved for Who You Really Are : How the Differences Between Men and Women Can Be Turned into the Source of the Very Best Romance You'll Ever Know

The Soul of Love

by
Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James Sniechowski, Ph.D.
© 2004

To be in relationship is to open to the hidden streams of feeling and intuition in each other, the unconscious shiftings that take us into areas of our individual and joined being that are beyond our imagination. These are soul stirrings that beckon from the other
side of what already is.

We see the soul not as a container but as a beacon, sometimes intense, sometimes a whisper, sometimes a demand, sometimes a tease, animated by a desire to bring us even closer by pointing out the way as well as what is in the way.

As a married couple of sixteen years we still have regular, long and intimate conversations, scheduled or spontaneous, during which we listen not just to ourselves and each other but to what is alive between us. We explore and witness that which make us different from each other, the particularities that makes us each who we really are, and marvel at how two distinct points of view co-create a third, the unity that is our
relationship.

This is not necessarily pain-free. When inspired by the movements of the soul, love finds some of its deepest courage in seeking out old wounds, unforgotten slights, insecurities and fears, all of that within us that yearns to be loved and to be whole. When allowed to come to the surface, the unresolved pain is embraced and set free by the love we have evolved over the seventeen years we've been together, a love built upon respect for our differences, trust and willingness to go wherever our souls lead us, and a determination to provide for our own and each other's well-being.

We also delight in the soul as a wellspring of joy. We live in the country and very often, even in the winter, we take long walks along our winding road. We both know those moments when one of us catches a glimpse of the other unawares, nothing covering, just pure, unveiled radiance, and are filled with sweet feeling just to know that we are together.

The soul is also a window onto the universe. We attempt to stay conscious of not just the material universe spanning light-years across and plunging to unimaginable depths inward. But also of the soul's weaving into an unceasing hum the innumerable
relationships between all levels of life. That vibrating lattice of being that we do not see but feel is there, cannot put into words but sense as the underlying support of all that is.

That window opened for us just the other evening. Glistening across the fifteen inches of snow that still covers the land, the full moon cast its moonshadows in every direction. The landscape was a lacework of dark tracings that resembled the patterns on our handmade Chinese bedspread. The similarities were unmistakable. We stood spellbound
in the presence of the Oneness that emanates from All That Is and abides in all that is. It is an awesome experience to be aware of how we are embedded in this life and in one another and yet remain well-defined as individuals, each seeing in the other themselves
and in themselves the other.

We look for those moments in our daily lives when the soul peeks out and we make a point of calling them to each other's attention. We delight in sharing them because they are part of the magic of being alive, a magic that is expressed in the teeming variety we see around us, what we call the magic of differences, as that variety gives evidence
of the Oneness.

It is only through the depth of love that the soul enjoins us to develop that we can feel loved through and through for all that we are and all that we are still to be. It is only through the wisdom of the soul that we can transcend the need to control and open our hearts to the truth and beauty that each of us brings to what we share. And only then, and very oftne can we sincerely say to each other, "I love livng with you!"

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Copyright 2002 Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James
Sniechowski, Ph.D., all rights reserved

Husband-and-wife psychology team Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and Jim Sniechowski, Ph.D., are the bestselling authors of Be Loved for Who You Really Are : How the Differences Between Men and Women Can Be Turned into the Source of the Very Best Romance You'll Ever Know (Renaissance/St. Martin's Press 2001, paperback edition
early 2003 from Griffin Books)

Judith & Jim also provide workshops, seminars and lectures to singles and couples nationally and internationally on all issues of gender and relationships. They also consult to corporations on these issues. They've worked with 100,000 people to date.