The Masks We Wear
by
Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James Sniechowski, Ph.D.
© 2005
Have you ever put on an act? You
know, trying to appear a particular way, hoping people will believe
something about you, something that isn't real but you want it to
be. Or perhaps there's something about you you're not comfortable
with and rather than be exposed you cover it over by putting on a
"face."
We all wear masks of one kind or another. Sometimes it's a smile
when we'd rather not. Sometimes we want to seem knowledgeable when
we don't have a clue. Or we want to look strong when in fact we're
terrified.
Masks are part of daily life, and in some instances they are
indispensable. But there's a catch. Whenever you choose to screen
the truth of who you are behind a mask, you make the judgment that
who you are is inadequate, incompetent, inferior, deficient or
defective in some way. If you do that enough, you undermine your own
self-respect.
Whenever you express yourself and are met with rejection, ridicule
or any response that devalues who you are, you stand at a crossroads
needing to make a choice. You can decide that the response is
inaccurate and meaningless or you can take the rejection to heart,
agree that there must be something wrong with you and decide to
protect yourself by creating a false but acceptable front.
Once you decide to put on a mask, you've decided to stay in
allegiance with those who have rejected you. You twist and turn,
making yourself into whatever you believe will gain their favor, so
that who you are is thereafter determined by someone else. You
become what you imagine someone else thinks you should be and end up
without a self of your own.
Living authentically -- living true to yourself -- requires
conscious attention. The following list will remind you of the
important points to remember as you work to cast off your masks.
1. Masks cover your fear of feeling acceptable. By dropping your
masks, you claim self-respect.
2. Your masks block any real connection. By dropping your masks, you
open the way for genuinely intimate relationships.
3. With your masks in place, you remain static. By dropping your
masks, you can tap your imagination and creativity.
4. With masks on, you feel emotionally hungry and never satisfied.
By dropping your masks, your human need to be recognized and valued
can be fulfilled.
5. Your masks keep you dedicated to your past, and perpetuate the
pain you're trying to escape. By dropping your masks, you make the
courageous move to become your own person.
6. Most importantly, masks force you into fantasy, because they put
the real you far beyond your reach. By dropping your masks, you set
yourself free and make way for the possibility of living a real and
satisfying life.
Having just read this, take a moment and look inside. Are you
willing to drop your masks, even just a little, and invite people to
really know you? Are you willing to find out how people would
actually respond to you? Will you concede that their acceptance
would be more meaningful than liking you for your performance?
Life is to be lived. Take off your masks and really live it up --
for the rest of your life!
Husband and wife Judith Sherven,
Ph.D. and James Sniechowski, Ph.D. are the best-selling authors of
Be Loved for Who You Really Are,
The New Intimacy, and Opening to Love 365 Days a Year. They
teach a variety of relationship workshops and teleseminars as well
as consult to businesses. Visit their website at
www.themagicofdifferences.com
Contact them at
jimjude@direcway.com.
For more information please go to:
http://www.thenewintimacy.com
