Gratitude Becomes You
by
Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James Sniechowski, Ph.D.
© 2005
Yes,
it's that time again, when giant turkeys and homemade pies entice us
to stay at the table longer than we otherwise might. With
Thanksgiving as our national day of gratitude, we typically
celebrate it with wonderful home
cooked meals. We gobble them up, ask for seconds, and then return
for left overs before we're finally ready to call it a day.
But what about the rest of your life?
How well do you gobble up the gifts that are given to you? How well
do you show your gratitude then? Because no matter the challenges,
there are still so many, many gifts that life bestows, not just once
in awhile, here and there, but over and over again. How Well Do You
Receive?
For instance, how well do you receive
compliments? Not just hear the words--but truly hear the other
person's care when they comment on your sense of humor, your new
haircut, your bold, visionary idea at work. Do you
take it in? Let it fill your sense of self, perhaps even your heart
and soul?
Or do you laugh in embarrassment and wave it off?
Perhaps you roll your eyes, shrug your shoulders and mumble, "Oh,
it's nothing."
Or do you tell the person what it means to hear such caring praise
from someone you admire?
Maybe you take a minute to let it soak in while you hold the other's
gaze, and then finally say a deeply meant "Thank you."
Without gratitude, you can never feel spiritually full. You can
never accept and trust that life is joyous and rewarding.
Now we're well aware that life can deal out some pretty lousy blows,
betrayals and horrible losses. But that's only part of the picture.
And, that's the point.
If we get stuck in anger that Fran and Mike got the metaphorical
drumsticks, and Amy and Jed got the wishbone, then we'll never be
able to rejoice in the moist, succulent breast meat covered with
Aunt Anna's divine gravy.
And while we may say grace before the Thanksgiving meal, the point
of a life well lived is to live in grace as much as possible. That
can only happen when gratitude becomes you.
Living In Grace
What does it mean to live in grace?
First you experience gratitude for what you have. And then you grow
your appreciation for the gifts that come with your everyday
life--even the challenges that help you grow.
Little by little, you start to notice how gratitude becomes more
natural to you, almost instinctive--a kind of everyday grace. It
allows you to more fully experience and appreciate all that happens.
In time gratitude becomes part of your identity. And that's how
gratitude becomes you, who you really are.
All that's required is greater attention to what comes to you and
blesses your life, no matter how large, no matter how small. With
greater attention, you achieve more minutes, then hours, and finally
days that are lived in a
state of grace. And then you feel centered, relaxed, trusting, aware
of the value in the moment, and energized by all the possibilities
before you.
It just takes commitment to living a fuller life, a more enjoyable
and enjoyed life.
This year we are experiencing enormous gratitude for something that
started off with a terrible disappointment.
A Gift of Disappointment
When our current editor expressed interest in our proposal to write
a wedding book, she wanted an entirely different book than what we
had in mind.
We cared passionately about trying to help bring down the divorce
rate (and the accompanying heartache and family distress), and saw
that one of the areas of that hadn't been examined was the wedding
process. That's why our original title was "The Wedding, Will Your
Marriage Survive It?"
We wanted to write a social commentary and critique that would
examine the many ways that current wedding traditions are actually
dangerous to the marriage that's being created.
Instead, we were asked to write an all-positive guide for the
contemporary couple.
Well, that was a total shock. Nothing, absolutely nothing like we
had in mind. So, at first we grumbled and groused, moaned and
fretted.
But, once we rewrote an entire chapter to demonstrate that we could
deliver what they wanted, we could then see that we had indeed been
graced by this intervention, even though at first it felt like a
black cloud over our parade.
The new title? The Smart Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your
Dreams, with the subtitle, Planning Together for Less Stress and
More Joy. It is one of the few books written for both the bride and
the groom, no matter their age, no matter how many times they may
have been married. It offers a new look at how couples can share in
shaping their weddings--from the engagement through their
honeymoon--so that the entire process supports them both in creating
a successful, passionate, and joyous marriage with every step along
the way.
As it turned out, the process of writing this book was a blessing we
could never have imagined. Brides, grooms, and couples from all over
the country--most of whom we'd never even met--submitted stories
about how they'd made their weddings and the journey leading up to
it incredibly romantic, meaningful, and memorable. Some of their
stories made us laugh, and many were so tender and sweet that they
brought us to tears.
We are eternally grateful to our editor who gave us the new
direction and to our contributors who continue to fill our hearts
with joy and admiration.
When you stretch yourself to want more from life, to expand your
capacity for spiritual satisfaction and meaning, then gratitude can
be found in any of the lessons that this life has to offer.
So this month, and any month, make it a practice to see the
opportunity in the crisis, the blessing in the disappointment, and
the joy when it goes just like you want it to. When you do,
gratitude will, indeed, become you.
It's All in the Connection,
Judith & Jim
Judith Sherven, Ph.D. & Jim Sniechowski, Ph.D.
authors of
THE SMART COUPLE'S GUIDE TO THE WEDDING OF YOUR DREAMS
Planning Together for Less Stress and More Joy
(due out in November from New World Library)
as well as
Be Loved for Who You Really Are,
The New Intimacy, and Opening to Love 365 Days a Year
Enjoy relationship information at
www.themagicofdifferences.com
For more information about Judith & Jim go to
www.thenewintimacy.com
To book Judith & Jim for a media appearance, corporate training, or
private
coaching contact them at
jimjude@direcway.com
