The Gift of Receiving
by
Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James Sniechowski, Ph.D.
© 2005
You're
busy checking off the items on your to-do list. Most of the gifts
have been wrapped. And the holiday cards made it to the post office
this morning. Oh, but you forgot about your daughter's teacher! And
what to take to the Smith's annual Christmas Eve get together? And
then the cookies for the school carnival and you used the last of
the sugar in yesterday's brownies for the church fund raiser.
Then just at the same time that you are trying to figure out what to
wear to the office party, what should occur? Your two tiny elves run
into your bedroom loaded down with treasures they made at school,
all meant just for
you!
But you haven't got the time to stop and pay attention. The party's
in just an hour. "Put them under the tree," you command,
turning back to your closet, missing the dejection flattening those
eager faces that want nothing more than to please you.
You and your spouse make it to the party on time, but when several
people there tell you how attractive you look, you don't care
because you're bothered by your kids sulkiness as the two of you
left the house. You wonder
what was troubling them.
Two days later your darling sweetheart arrives home from work with a
bonus check, setting up a surprise by placing it on your pillow with
a note that says, "To thank you for who you are, this will take us
to Paris in the springtime! MUCH LOVE from Your Biggest Fan!" That
night you stay up late to get those dozens and dozens of cookies
baked, so you can drop them off when you take the kids to school the
next day. When you crawl into bed at 1 AM your honey is fast asleep
so you can't turn the light on. You assume that the crinkling paper
you lay your head on is some of your darling partner's last minute
office work and throw it on the floor. The next day you have to be
told about the surprise and the disappointment caused because you
missed it.
Gifts galore!!! And no one to receive them.
The old adage admonishes "'Tis better to give than to receive." But
when the giving lands on unreceptive hearts, what good is it? In
fact, as our all too familiar tale above makes clear, the excited,
observant, appreciative givers
find that their gifts are ignored and their feelings are hurt.
The gift of receiving is largely overlooked and overshadowed by the
need to give. While gifts require money and time to purchase, or
money, time, and labor to make, the gift of receiving is free and
priceless.
You can't put a price tag on your children's glee seeing your face
light up with pleasure when their candle-made-in-a-milk-carton turns
into the finest glow the season can shine in your direction. There's
no material value that equates with friends and acquaintances
complimenting your looks, your talent, your friendship. And your
spouse's romantic appreciation for who you really are, well, it's
all you really wished for, isn't it? And yet .
. .
And yet it's not too late to make a resolution that this year you
will give the gift of receiving, the precious gift of paying
attention to every person who wants to please you. You needn't gush
or say you like something you don't. But you do have to notice any
feelings that arise telling you that you don't deserve all this
generosity. You do have to stay on guard against the distractions of
your grocery list or that phone call you forgot to make that want to
steal you away precisely at the time that someone is filling your
plate with emotionally delicious goodies!
Why?
Because the gift of receiving, the heartfelt "Thank you" is often
difficult to give. We've all been taught not to be self-centered, to
focus on the other person while remaining modest and humble.
However, most of us obey those instructions to the point of
self-denial.
But then, ZAP! in one split second you are center stage. And that
early teaching rings loud and clear: "Get rid of it! Pass it off!
Don't get caught being admired, appreciated, or even loved! Who do
you think you are?"
Take the gift of receiving seriously. When you embrace the beauty
and generosity of what others give you, you will be changed. And you
will be changed into a more self-respectful and self-loving person.
What better gift could you give yourself, and everyone else, than
that?
Bestselling authors of four
relationship books, Judith Sherven, PhD and James Sniechowski, PhD
have redefined the future of weddings. From now on brides AND grooms
will be co-partners every step along the way. Be sure to read your
complimentary 2-chapter excerpt from their new book, "The Smart
Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams." Just go to http://www.smartweddingcouples.com
Enjoy relationship information at
www.themagicofdifferences.com
For more information about Judith & Jim go to
www.thenewintimacy.com
To book Judith & Jim for a media appearance, corporate training, or
private
coaching contact them at
jimjude@direcway.com
