Suffering from Negative Head-talk?
by
Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James Sniechowski, Ph.D.
© 2006
Nearly everyone does battle with that
pesky voice of self-judgment and sabotaging put-downs that chatters
away in our heads.
And, in response to a recent tele-seminar
we gave titled “The Fear of Being Fabulous” we received a request
from a participant who said:
“I would love to hear how you remove
the head talk that keeps you from being fabulous. I can get so far
and then I'm stopped by my head talk.”
Here’s our answer . . .
First, you’ll know it’s Head-Talk by
the repetitive, nagging attack on who you are. Your self-respect and
self-esteem can end up in the toilet. And you can end up on the edge
of . . . well, for us it’s sometimes been the pothole from hell.
On the other hand, if you only hear a
single reminder or even a reprimand, that’s usually your wisdom
giving you a heads-up to watch out or correct for behavior that’s
not in your best interest.
But Negative Head-Talk is relentless
once it gets going. Its job is to successfully bring you down and
remind you of your “proper” place.
What’s “proper” about being put down?
Well, you weren’t born turning
yourself into a brick of Swiss cheese, with more holes than
substance. Right?
Somewhere along your life, probably
earlier than later, you were told negative stuff about who you are
and what you could accomplish and what you could have and who you
could be . . .
Even if you cannot now remember what
it was or who said it.
Because if that hadn’t happened,
there wouldn’t be any Negative Scripts in your noggin’ that
involuntarily blast away at you as Negative Self-Talk.
So, what to do when that destructive
force turns on you and fills your head with lies . . .
1) Know they are lies.
2) Remember We’re On Your Side and we
told you they’re lies.
3) Take yourself back to where they
came from originally, and see if you can remember who told you those
lies, when, and what for . . .
4) Then notice how, when that
Negative Head-Talk takes over, you are still in allegiance to that
person and that part of your history.
5) Know that even after you’ve got
hold of its source, when the Negative Self-Talk yammers at you
you’ll be tempted to side with IT instead of with YOU.
6) So that’s when you must practice
taking your own side, something you couldn’t do when you were
younger. But you must practice doing it now.
7) Make the commitment to break your
allegiance. This won’t happen without fear, pain, and sorrow. And
there will be a sense of loss. That’s expected and normal.
8) Know that this need to detach from
the past is urgent. Because that’s the key to your well-being and a
fabulous future.
9) Stay away from blame. That just
keeps you stuck to the past.And that’s just another, less obvious
form of your allegiance.
10) Make the commitment to side with
your desire. It’s your desire that will carve out and light the path
to the Positive Head-Talk that you need as your powerful guide and
ally.
Now, every time your Negative
Head-Talk threatens, you have your own internal arsenal to combat
and overcome its power to trash your well-being. With practice
you’ll see that that voice becomes weaker and less active.
And you will enjoy the freedom to be
fabulously alive and loving on your own terms.
Husband and wife psychology team
Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski are the best-selling authors of
four books. Get their complimentary tips for overcoming the fear of
being fabulous at: http://www.fearofbeingfabulous.com
Husband-and-wife psychology team
Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and Jim Sniechowski, Ph.D., are the
bestselling authors of Be Loved for Who You Really Are (St. Martin's
Press 2003) and their latest release is trend setting wedding book:
The Smart Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams (New World
Library 2005).
Visit their website www.judithandjim.com
