Family, Friends and Even Mentors:
Are They On Your Side
Part 3
by
Judith Sherven, Ph.D. and James Sniechowski, Ph.D.
© 2007
As we said initially, Mark Twain
already said it -
"Keep away from people who try to
belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really
great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
And again, we want to underscore that
Twain didn't say how to identify those people who "belittle your
ambitions". . .
So today, we provide a handy
checklist to guide you in protecting yourself from those people who
(consciously or unconsciously) want to hold you back or even bring
you down in any area of your life.
Because, as we said in Part 1, we
live in a society that takes emotional abuse for granted . . .
whether it's in the media, family, politics, sports, religion . . .
you name it.
And in Part 2 we reminded you that
approximately 40% of all adults are seriously emotionally disturbed
. . . and they can't help but acting out badly . . . whether at your
expense or not.
So now in Part 3, we urge you to stay
alert to how you are being treated by family members, friends,
acquaintances, even mentors and people you've just met.
Get in the habit of answering these
questions in every interaction you have:
1) Is the other person sincerely
interested in you?
1a) Or, does the other person
constantly hog the conversation, talking on and on only about
themselves and who they know?
2) Does the other person ask about
your life, your interests, your goals?
2a) Or does the other person just
joke around, or complain, or obsess about the news or gossip . . .
never developing any real connection with you?
3) Does the other person encourage
you to move forward in your life?
3a) Or does the other person put you down when you mention a new
goal or a desire to live your life differently?
4) Does the other person enjoy and
reinforce your unique self-expression?
4a) Or does the other person insist
that you behave in only certain ways, trying to control you and make
you fit in with their "rules" or the group, family "norm"?
5) Does the other person encourage
you to move forward, whether it's in your career, creativity,
health, or love life?
5a) Or does the other person joke at
your expense, put you down in the name of "just teasing," or in any
way dismiss your desires, goals, or excitement about something
that's happening in your life right now?
6) Does the other person sincerely
celebrate your success?
6a) Or does the other person suffer
from envy when you stand out?
7) Bottom line, does the other person
truly care for you AS YOU ARE?
When you pay attention to how you are
actually treated, without the need to "excuse" or "overlook" bad
behavior, you can then take self-protective action!
After all, only you can save yourself
from the life-draining, depression-making influence of those who say
they love you . . . yet it always brings you down to be with them.
Next month we'll finish off this
4-part TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF article with tips for managing your own
self-protection with grace and calm determination.
Bestselling authors of four
relationship books, Judith Sherven, PhD and James Sniechowski, PhD
have redefined the future of weddings. From now on brides AND grooms
will be co-partners every step along the way. Be sure to read your
complimentary 2-chapter excerpt from their new book, "The Smart
Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your Dreams." Just go to http://www.smartweddingcouples.com
Enjoy relationship information at
www.themagicofdifferences.com
For more information about Judith & Jim go to
www.thenewintimacy.com
To book Judith & Jim for a media appearance, corporate training, or
private
coaching contact them at
jimjude@direcway.com
