“If He is Raped: A Guidebook for
Parents, Partners, Spouses, and Friends.” By Alan McEvoy, Debbie Rollo,
and Jeff Brookings. Holmes Beach, Florida: Learning Publications,
1999. 104 pages (main volume) plus 28 pages (abridged version in
pamphlet form). No price information.
www.learningpublications.com. 800-222-1525, extension Q.
“If He is Raped” is a slim yet
interesting volume, with more merits than demerits. While a few other
books have been devoted in part or in whole to male sexual
victimization, I believe this is the only book yet published to advise
people who are close to a male rape victim how to assist him in
recovering from the experience. “If He is Raped” takes its topic
seriously. Most of the information presented is useful and accurate,
and much of the advice quite sensible if sometimes a bit obvious. Take
the victim’s feelings seriously. Do not make light of them or question
his masculinity or sexual orientation. Be patient, and do not pressure
him to talk about his feelings before he is ready. Advice on dealing
with flashbacks is offered. The list of “do’s” and “don’t’s” on pages
23-25 is particularly useful. (Do not tell him that you will “get” the
rapist because this will cause him to fear for YOUR safety. Do
reassure him that he isn’t responsible for being raped. Do not let
your anger shift attention away from his needs. Do allow him to regain
some control by encouraging him to make small decisions and then
larger ones. Do not touch or hold him without a sign that he agrees to
your touch.)
Celebration is justified by the
fact that a book exists focusing on helping a male victim’s family and
friends to support him. At least one book has been written for the
victims themselves, Everything You Need to Know When You Are the Male
Survivor of Rape or Sexual Abuse by John LaValle.
However, a few things about “If He
is Raped” bothered me. For one thing, I find the overall tone too
culturally limited and, in fact, too allied with the female
sensibility. Many men would roll their eyes at the soft, ever
sensitive, oh-so-nuanced language used throughout by the authors. It’s
the classic example of a preaching-to-the-converted book that is going
to be impenetrable for most of the audience that could actually derive
some value from it. It is true that many of the readers (wives,
mothers, friends) will be women but many others (gay partners,
fathers, friends) will be male, and presumably the victim himself may
also wish to seek some advice from the book.
Secondly, there are a few
troubling inaccuracies. While the authors’ awareness of male rape
victims is still regrettably rare in our society, they do not realize
that males actually outnumber females as rape victims when prison
rapes are included in the tabulation. Their suggestion that only 5
percent of all forcible rapes involve male victims is thus woefully
inaccurate. While I was pleased to see one sentence noting in passing
that “rare” instances of female perpetrators and male victims do
occur, no further mention of female-on-male rape was made despite a
number of prominent news reports about such incidents in recent years.
At the end of the book, five case
studies are included which do a nice job of humanizing and making
specific the general issues discussed in the earlier sections of the
book. I was troubled by the absence of any female perpetrators in
these five examples, despite the fact that one case study discussed a
mother-stepfather family, in which statistically sexual abuse by Mom
is the most common type of abuse.
Finally, perhaps this is not
exactly a criticism, but it seems a little odd that the authors and
publisher felt it necessary to print up an abridged version of a book
that only comprises 96 pages of text plus references. The abridged
version is 26 pages long and comes as a pamphlet included for buyers
of the book. It is truly hard to imagine any reader able to relate to
the book’s perhaps overly feeling-oriented and intellectual approach,
and yet not capable of making it through a book of under 100 pages.
All in all, this is a worthy first
effort on the subject of how to support a male victim of rape, but we
may hope that more comprehensive works with a more male-friendly tone
will appear in the future.
©2000 J. Steven Svoboda
